Ok, so I was iffy the first time I ate it, but I have decided that Total Blueberry Pomegranate cereal is effing DELICIOUS.

Ok, anyway.

I'm sitting in my room at my computer eating my breakfast because today is friday and that means its cleaning lady day and I always feel really awkward just hanging around in my PJs when she's here. I feel like she thinks I sit around and do this all the time and am a lazy ass, rather than the truth which is that Friday mornings are one of the only times i am in my house EVER. I really do not spend that much time here.

I told my manager i wanted to work a few less hours a week because I am literally swamped. I have no time to get schoolwork done. She said they hired someone new, (yay! we now have like 13 employees for the whole store!) and that my hours would decrease. They did- I'm only working like 22 or 23 hours next week, but of COURSE most of them are thursday/friday/saturday. love working all weekend.

especially when last night I was scheduled til 8 and DID NOT GET OUT UNTIL 10:40. So I worked 6 hours and 40 minutes without even a 15 minute break. There was a time when Gap was afraid to put employees in break violation, because, you know, it's ILLEGAL. Apparently not anymore. I hope those fuckers get audited.

i want to go on vacation. i want to go on a cruise to mexico. IDC if no one else can go over winter break, i'm going.
or I can just go live in the HP theme park.

people tell me i should update this more. which, you know, i should.

but i have an urge to start new, start a blog somewhere where no one I know IRL can read it. that's what keeps me from updating most of the time- censuring what i'm going to write because i know so and so or so and so can read it and maybe talk to so and so about it is exhausting.

plus i feel like i'm living a new life now. moving back home, starting a new school, working almost full time. it's all very different from the routine of the last four years. or the four years before that. which is how long i've had this livejournal.

i'm not as depressed as i thought i would be about living this new anticlimactic life (so far), but i think it's just because i'm busy.

it was a good summer, save for the health issues. the last of a string of five summers Tony and i basically spent mostly together. the fact that we will never have another summer like the five past is surreal. granted, they were all different, and last year we were separated for most of the summer, but i've been spending summers with him since i was 18. i don't know anything else...

i feel like such a long island girl lately, and i don't really like it. driving around my new car to commute to CW Post, working retail... life is just flat here. i mean i love long island, but i miss my city. its the only place i feel like i can really BREATHE. i get out of the subway and i always just feel relieved. like, yes, this is where i'm supposed to be. i don't know how to describe it.

weekend before last was anne's 21st birthday, and that was the last time i saw NYC. it was fun, a good crowd of people. we went to some downtown bars. it was odd being at Wagner and being homeless. Like... i don't live here anymore.

last sunday i had a party at my house for labor day weekend festivities. it was last minute, so i was worried, but a good 11 or so people showed up, including 3 from work, so that was good. my new love is michelob lime. i also have another new love, but because this is LIVEJOURNAL i can't talk about that here.

so far work hasn't been scheduling me sat/sun, which is convenient, but it's still a REALLY long week. i basically work 9-4 mon to wed, and have classes at 5 on all those days. then i close 4-8 on thursdays and work an 8-hour all day shift fridays. so 30+ hours a week plus full time school.

it's a good thing school looks like it will be a cakewalk, i've had two classes so far and i've learned everything in them during undergrad already. it's just REALLY annoying that i have to pay to take classes that i've already taken. Post annoys the fuck out of me, especially since i'm paying DOUBLE what they told me it would cost to go there. i could be going to Wagner and living in an apartment for the same price. but then i'd have to do student teaching in a NYC school.

the joy of student loans.

ok so in less than 24 hours i went from being so happy about the car and the cruise and everything to so stressed out.

i checked geeksquad.com yesterday during the day to find out the status of my camera which is being fixed for the third time. maybe fourth, i'm losing track. it hasn't worked correctly since i dropped it in trafalgar square in london last summer. it still worked MOSTLY for a while but for the past few months it's been totally broken. so i check the status and it says they are awaiting my approval on additional repair charges, even though i have a four year warranty. ughh ughh ughh but they didn't call me or my house to say what the additional repair charges are and i don't know where to call to find out and this means i am probably not going to have my camera for the cruise. ugh ugh ugh. this camera is only a year and a half old.

then last night we crashed the senior bar crawl event that i didn't pay for, which was at down the hatch/off the wagon. while at down the hatch, i'm texting tony on my phone a little. then i go to pee and as i pull my jeans down i hear a plop. MY PHONE WAS IN MY BACK POCKET AND FELL INTO THE TOILET. i am so stupid. i forgot it was there. so now my beautiful white palm centro is broken, there's water in the screen so i haven't tried to turn it back on since last night but i'm pretty sure i fried it. the phone is less than a year old.

i cannot, and i mean cannot, afford a new camera or a new phone. I HATE ELECTRONICS.

i also have no one's numbers written down and i sure as hell don't know them by heart. i didn't even know tony's to use someone else's phone last night to let him know not to worry that i was unreachable... blahhhhh. i just hope my SIM card is salvagable and that i can put it back in my old phone...

today was a wonderful day.

my parents totally surprising me saying they are going to lease me a car for my graduation present (any car i want under $17,000, any suggestions other than Mazda3, Hyundai Elantra or Honda Civic?)

and then that thing i've been waiting for for 3 years 11 months and 18 days finally happens... and it was so indescribably touching. uhh... rediculous.

which means this day must be documented at 2am.

This is going to be word vom.

When I want to write I find myself writing of the past-- the summers summers summers sequentially until they all started to blend and dull. My experiences have blurred along with my vision, the edges not as crisply etched into my long term memory along with the smells and sounds of the moment. Soon the crickets will start chirping full force again, and the nights will be days of their own as the sun divides itself into millions of streetlamps that line the roadways of June, July, August. Does the tipping timelessness of summer exist everywhere, or is it only found in places where the air is heavy with seawater, soundwater, well past midnight? Places my tires have worn thin with routes they take over and over and over.

Roll down the windows and breathe it in, your summers, your youth, still hanging in the heavy midnight air. This place remembers. It fills your heart to bursting with everything that once was and everything to soon be. Every breath. Every breath. This place. This place. This life. This life.

Let's steal this from Danielle, and not post it on FB for pretty much the same reasons...

This is kind of like the 25 things - except there are pre-decided questions and it's about you and your spouse or significant other, not just you. Come on, play along - inquiring minds want to know! ;-)Just copy this post into your own notes & change the answers!

♥ What are your middle names?
Nell (kinda) & Rice

♥ How long have you been together?
3 years 9 months

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We knew of each other's existence for about 3 years, knew each other personally for about 8 months

♥ Who asked who out?
Me: So you think eventually I can be your girlfriend?
Tony: Do you want to go out with me?

you decide.

♥ How old are each of you?
We are in that part of the year where we are the same age... 21 & 21

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
Mine I guess, currently

♥ Do you have any children together?
Oh boy. No

♥ What about pets?
LET's GET A PET! Or not.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Being apart... a lot.

♥ Did you go to the same school?
For HS

♥ Are you from the same home town?
yes

♥ Who is the smartest?
We are really intellectually compatable, just on opposite sides of the brain. & he's left handed and i'm right handed. Other than that I'd say we're both pretty well off in the brain dept.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
That'd be me.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We need to bring Friendly's back.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple
Boston Mass! oh-two-one-three-four! (Bahamas anyone?)

♥ Who has the worst temper?
Neither of us ever yells or anything, but since I can't remember Tony being mad at me, uh, ever, I'll say in our relationship, me.

♥ Who does the cooking?
Tony. I don't really do cooking.

♥ Who is more social?
I think it's equal right about now. I think I used to be more.

♥ Who is the neat Freak?
Neither, really. I'm a little neater on the principal of being a girl but his apartment DOES smell like lysol.

♥ Who is the more stubborn?
You mean smug?

♥ Who hogs the bed?
We share pretty well.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
We have this insane knack of waking up at the exact same time, basically. I just can't get out of bed as easily.

♥ Where was your first date?
Movies

♥ Who has the bigger family?
Oh my God. I think it has to be me, does anyone have a bigger family than me?

♥ Do you get flowers often?
I got a rose once

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
He comes over for Christmas Eve. Other than that, with our respective familias

♥ Who is more jealous?
Definitely not Tony. Although I'm not really that jealous anymore either.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
I'd say we got kind of "serious" after we said i love you, which was like 3 months after being official and 5 months after we started seeing each other-ish, but it's nothing like how we are now.

♥ Who eats more?
Probably him, technically, but I'm not one to turn down food either. And when I ask for a cheap brand hot dog on a plate with ketchup, he makes it for me.

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
We do separate laundry.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
We're about the same?

♥ Who drives when you are together?
We take turns, although he probably drives more IF he has a car available

♥ Who has the craziest exes?
Neither, and he doesn't have any exes

♥ Who sings better?
I love it when Tony sings, it is so cute. But I guess since I've had legit vocal training and all that... haha

♥ Who picks where you go to dinner?
We pretty much say "you decide" for like an hour before somone finally suggests something and we just do that.

♥ Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Tony. I'm not as good at apologizing I guess, although I will eventually.

♥ Who wears the pants in the relationship?
:] if you know us, then you know.

♥ Who has more tattoos?
neither has any. i don't want him to get tattoos.

♥ Who eats more sweets?
He does. 5 lb bag of gummi bears in a day, anyone? How about a Big Gulp of wild cherry pepsi?

♥ Who cries more?
Me, I cry all the time.

So I am feeling super PMS-y tonight, even though I have never had PMS in my life, but I am assuming this is what it feels like. So to distract myself, I am writing here.

I saw "Freudian Slips" in the city with Anne tonight, for le Showbiz Weekly. Probably my favorite free show so far. Just blows that I have to write about it now.

Yesterday we drank, danced to my Ultimate Awesome Playlist because there has been a surge of good music lately, and then wound up at Beer Goggles for like an hour. It was fun/interesting to say the least. I effing love chips and salsa like no one's business.

Anyway, so that I can remember the playlist that rocked January 2009, I'll document it for me and for ya'll.

Circus - Britney Spears (Duh)
Untouched - The Veronicas
The Remedy - J.Mraz (OK so it's not new, but it's on there. shoot me.)
My Life Would Suck Without You - K. Clarkson
If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears (DOWNLOAD IT)
Paper Planes - M.I.A. (So this has been out for a year, but we recently decided it's awesome)
Fly On The Wall - Miley Cyrus
Merry Happy - Kate Nash
I Wanna Love You (Akon Remix) - The Maine (AMAZING)
Let's Get F****d Up - Start Trouble
Everyone Nose (All the Grils Standing In the Line for the Bathroom) - N.E.R.D.
Bruised - Jack's Mannequin
That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings (this song is awesome and has been on my playlist since summer)

So yeah, I'm into the upbeat poppy-girly shit lately. *Shrug

I have to get a lot of work done tomorrow so I can go to Tony's superbowl party Sunday. Even though I could care less about the actual football part.

And my YouTube Collab, thetableforsix, is getting "revamped" apparently and there's all this "online" drama, I don't do drama in real life, online drama is even more stupid. whatever. I'm still in it, at least, for now.

Oh and I finished Paper Towns and it is my second favorite after Alaska. Alaska will forever be the most amazing, and I am officially in lovelust with John Green.

**EDIT-
( HOW COULD ANYONE NOT WANT TO DO HER? )

i am so spoiled to have him. i only realize this more as time goes on. that we both kind of worship the ground each other walks on and what more could you ask for than that?

....and yet we will be so unfortunate.

i'm convinced all our 4 year anniversary will prove is that we are OLD enough to have a 4 year anniversary, which just means that we are OLD. when i expressed this, Tony promptly remined me that i'm older. way to rub it in.

oh, and i might just apply to wagner grad school for education just so i can buy myself another year of non-reality, not because it is my ultimate dream in life to become a teacher. is this wrong?

So I haven't seen the movie, but after reading all four books I can still attest that this is HILARIOUSLY ACCURATE. Especially the part about Stephanie Meyer being the fat unpopular girl who wrote a book about her fantasies, I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT SINCE CHAPTER 2 OF BOOK ONE. Credit: Sharon Bellina.

I don't really understand why I read all four books just to rip on them. I like to rip on stuff. Sue me.

And... umm... I'm home. It almost blows so far. That better change, asap. This is my last winter break... like ever.

I have gone from reassured and eye-opened in my last entry to the full blown quarter-life crisis state I had predicted. I cried a lot today. I cannot handle the stress of this.

1. I will not have health insurance after I graduate
2. I will also not have a job right away
3. I cannot afford individual health insurance for 800$ a month
4. But what if I get sick/die of a UTI?
5. If I stay in grad school I can stay under my parent's plan
6. Grad school may be less than 800$ a month
7. But I have no idea where or what I want to go to grad school for
8. And I have not taken the GREs in preparation for this revelation
9. And all the deadlines are like January or February.
10. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS?

Seriously. I am fucking moving to Canada. Or better yet, London. Peace, US of A.